Drunken Confessions
by mommaXbear
Summary: Confessions of the Drunk...all era's. Rated because I don't know whats to come LOL


James looked down at the grounds of Hogwarts, reflecting on the days events, as he took another swig of fire whiskey from his flask. The flask had been a gift from Sirius, James smiled at the memory. It had been given to him the day after Evans had first smiled at him. Lily, with her beautiful green eyes and deep copper hair, made his heart melt. It was no secret how he felt about her and it wasn't a secret how she felt about him. When she had smiled at him, his heart had dropped to his stomach and for the first time, James Potter was speechless. However, he had a few secrets no one knew and he intended to keep it that way.

Sighing dejectedly, he sunk to the floor and leaned his back against the cold stone of the astronomy tower wall. It was peaceful up here in the middle of the night, no one to bother him or pester him about Evans. Of course no one was awake at this hour, being they had classes the next morning. He always found his way here when thoughts clouded his mind and kept sleep at arms length. For him sleep had become a distant, bittersweet memory. Something that came only when he was lucky, but deserted him any chance it could, like tonight for instant.

Today had been one of the worst in a while. Lily had yelled at him for picking a fight with Snape, then he had fought with Sirius. Didn't seem like such a bad day when looked upon like that but Lily had never fully came about to James, just that one far off smile, and the fight with Sirius had been worse than normal. It hadn't been about anything important, in fact thinking on it now, with his head full of fire whiskey, he couldn't even remember what it had started over, he just knew it had lasted well into the night and probably would still be going on in the morning.

He hated fighting with Sirius, of all the Marauders Sirius was the one he loved the most. Fighting with him was like fighting the one person he would count on for life, the one person who always had his back. When they were fighting James always felt as if he had lost something deep down. As it stood he probably had, depending on how Sirius woke in the morning.

Footsteps drew him from his inner demons. Cranking his neck he peered towards the door way, waiting for the intruder to show themselves. The figure who materialized pulled a groan from his gut. Severus Snape. The constant sore in his buttocks. The thorn that kept him from picking his beautiful Lily and holding her tight.

"This spots taken, Snivellous." He spat taking a hard hit from the flask. Snape ignored his remark and sauntered over, dropping down a few feet from him. "I meant get lost."

"Well last I checked, this is the astronomy tower which is a public place." Snape pulled a baggy out from his cloak and extracted a lumpy brown wad.

"What is that?" James asked scooting closer.

"None of your damn business, Potter."

"It is my business prat, this is my spot and I want to know what nasties your unleashing." James eyed the weird looking object as Snape brought it to his nose and sniffed. He smiled appreciatively before taking a bite.

"It's a brownie." Snape said the smile still on his face.

"Gross. Whats in it?"

"What normally goes in brownies? I have no idea, but it has some kind of magical muggle herb I guess."

"Magical muggle herb?" James asked looking a bit suspicious. "Wouldn't happen to be called Marijuana would it?"

"Actually I believe that's exactly what its called, why?" Snape asked taking another bit of the magic brown lump. James could merely laugh.

"Pot? You're eating pot brownies? Pass one my way mate." James stuck out his hand.

"Why? Whats pot? I'm not sharing with you, give me some of that whiskey and you can have a brownie."

They swapped illegal substances and James sat back.

"Pot, Reefer, Dope, Giggle-weed, Weed, Mary Jane, Kiff, Green, Afga-"

"What are you on about Potter?" Snape asked, trying to sound irritated but coming off a bit weak.

"The names, many of them. Its an illegal muggle drug, mostly used for the fantastic high...or low depending on who you are." he finished off his brownie and took a drink of the whiskey. Snape smiled.

"illegal? You going to turn me in?" James shook his eye and closed his eyes. He would have never thought he would find him self on the astronomy tower with such company, but here he was. Might as well enjoy it, hell he was drunk and on his way to high, why not. He took a few minutes, eyes closed and head leaning back on the wall, to let the brownies do their job before he opened his eyes and looked at Snape, already scarfing his second brownie down.

"And what, tell them I was up here drinking myself stupid when you wandered up with drugs? No I think I'll pass." James chuckled, oh there it was. His head lifted and his body tingled.

"You could leave the drinking out." Snape asked his voice serious but his face betrayed him, he was wearing an ear to ear grin and his eyes were slightly sagging. James tried not to laugh but it burst from him like a cork from a wine bottle.

"I-I was only drinking tea at 3 in the a.m, sir. He came up there with brownies! Ho-"

"Brownies? What brownies? These are perfectly respectable cookies, homemade from my mum!" Snape faked outrage causing James to tip over in hysterics.

They spent the next several minutes clutching their sides and laughing, one would stop and the other would say something to make it start all over again. Once they settled down James got serious.

"So why you up here, mate?"

"Long day." Snape said, his turn to lay his head back against the cool stone. "I just needed to unwind."

James nodded knowing exactly what the other boy was feeling. He picked up his flask, taking a pull before fingering the engraved metal.

"Want to talk about it?" James asked.

"With you, no offense but not really. I would rather not relive this for the rest of my days." He went to take a drink from his mug, only to find it empty so instead he heaved a sigh. "My mouths dry." He complained, looking down at the bag that held three more brownies.

"Cotton mouth," James nodded pulling out his wand and pointing it at Snapes mug. He muttered something before tipping his flask and filling the mug to the brim. "One of the bad effects of the herb." He nodded towards the mug and smiled.

"What'd you do to my glass?" Snape asked a bit suspicious, but took a drink anyway.

"Re-filler charm,"he held up his flask. "Its on mine as well."

"So, why are you up here?" Snape asked after a long drink of his whiskey.

"Same I suppose, long day. Argument with Sirius."

"I see." Snape shook his head. "Don't you guys always bicker?"

"Yea, but today was different. He was really upset and went to bed angry. We always seem to work it out before, just not tonight."

"At least you're not in love with your best friend. The fight will end and you'll both go back to the way it was before." Snape closed his eyes. "Lily's mad at me because of you and I think I might have lost her for good this time. I know nothing will come of us, me being me, and her being her but I would rather us be friends then enemies." James nearly choked on his whiskey.

"You're in love with Lily? My Lily?" James stared in shock, at least he had an idea of why the other boy hated him. James just disliked Snape because he was friends with Lily.

"Not your Lily...our Lily. Until she says other wise she's still my best friend...she's coming around to you as well. Just don't tell her I told you." Snape sighed taking a sip of his whiskey. "I thought this stuff was supposed to relax you?"

"I'm relaxed. Just stop thinking about the argument." James stated looking up at the sky.

"Yea, easy for you to say."

"Not really, Sirius is like...Never mind." James shook his head.

"it doesn't matter to you whether we make up or not, in the end you're going to be with her whether I'm her friend or not."

"I never knew how you felt. I always thought there was more between you two, I was a bit jealous. I think I understand better how you feel. Not wanting to lose her because she's your best friend. Does she even know how you feel?" James asked looking over at Snape, watching as he slowly shook his head. "Yea, see I can relate to loving someone that has no idea how you feel. Every time they smile your heart nearly stops, their laughter being your secret drug. You're to afraid to say anything for fear of rejection or embarrassment. Being scared everyday that they will find out and be disgusted or turn their backs on you. I feel it everyday too, mate."

"Lily is aware of how you feel about her." Snape said, confusion pushing through in his voice.

"Wasn't talking about Lily, everyone knows how I feel about her. How couldn't you, I don't try in the least to hide that."

"To hard trying to hide other feelings?"

"Yea, sometimes I'm afraid I'm not doing a very good job and that they'll find out."

"Which one?" Snape asked, his voice low and sympathetic.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...Remus or Sirius? I'd ask about Pettigrew but something tells me he isn't really your type. Come to think of it, if I had to guess I would say Sirius, with the way you were talking about that fight."

James nodded and closed his eyes. Had he just admitted his deepest secret to the one person he despised the most? Was he incredibly dim? Would he be able to deny the accusations tomorrow, or when ever Snape told?

There was silence for a long time, both boys lost in their own thoughts. James' eyes grew heavy and his stomach rumbled, he needed sleep and food. With the drugs in his system he might be able to close his eyes and get a few hours sleep before they wore off.

"Listen, mate. I'm going to try and go to bed. Just don't say anything, yeah?" He looked at Snape, lost in his own thoughts, and waited for an answer.

"Yea, okay. As long as you keep your mouth shut as well."

The boys shook hands and parted ways, neither of them understanding the impact of this secret conversation.

"Oh My Gosh! W-What!" Lily looked over at Sirius, her eyes wide with shock. "Did that really just happen? Did I really just hear what I think I heard?" The two were hidden behind a wall, where they had been for nearly three hours, waiting, first for James then for Snape, to leave so they could head back to their dorm rooms.

"I believe so." Sirius looked down at Lily, their secret affair had placed them in an awkward position. "What should we do?"

"I don't know! James loves you! Severus loves me! What in the name of Merlin is going on?" Lily covered her face in her hands.

"We can't really say anything, now can we?" Sirius said shaking his head. "it would inevitably lead to questions we can't rightly answer with out confessing. We have to forget what we heard."

"Yea, I know Severus. If I confronted him he'd yell 'Bloody hell, you were snogging Sirius?'" Lily put on a deep voice and mimicked her best friend.

"And James would go a different route, something along the lines of 'Shut up! I was drunk!'" Sirius laughed. "It's best to keep this quiet, they probably weren't thinking straight anyway."

"Yea." Lily agreed, reaching up on tiptoe and planting a small kiss on Sirius' lips.


End file.
